I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
