just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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