My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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