Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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