Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
