Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
