My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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