i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
