Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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