i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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