You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
