Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
