the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
