I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
