If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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