pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
