be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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