I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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