The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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