i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
