i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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