Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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