It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
