Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
