Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
