My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
