I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
