so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
