just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
