I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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