He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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