I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
