do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
