you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
