i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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