we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
