You can't special order awesome
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
