How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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