he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
