I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
