Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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