Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
