Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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