Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
pray to the hookup gods
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
