U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
