This girl is more easily done than said...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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