It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
