im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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