It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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