just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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