I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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