My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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