I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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