I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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