Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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