Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize