I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
