So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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