I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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