Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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