ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
