I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
