sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
