I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
