i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
