You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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