did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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