so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
