I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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